tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39411488300896037382024-02-20T10:48:36.531-08:00Conversations with my MotherAs infrequently as possible, I phone home. This is what happens.
Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.comBlogger70125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-326754238113953112015-02-08T01:43:00.001-08:002015-02-08T01:46:33.401-08:00'F' is for...Mum: I'm on The Facebook page<br />
<br />
Me: Right, so on there, what can you see?<br />
<br />
Mum: Well, that's the problem - there's a middle bit and I can't see anything<br />
<br />
Me: What do you mean a middle bit? A big column down the middle?<br />
<br />
Mum: No, just a white bit - a box in the middle: 'no results'.<br />
<br />
Me: Somewhere on there there is a cross or a Cancel.<br />
<br />
Mum: Yes.<br />
<br />
Me: You can tap it with your finger. <br />
Tap it.<br />
<br />
<br />
Mum: Nothing. It's just all white.<br />
<br />
Me: Can you see blue behind the white?<br />
<br />
Mum: Yes.<br />
<br />
Me: Tap it.<br />
<br />
Mum: Nothing.<br />
<br />
Me: You're sure you're on Facebook? Can you see an 'F' up in the corner somewhere?<br />
<br />
Mum: No.<br />
<br />
Me: Well, you're not on Facebook then<br />
<br />
Mum: I am! Oh, I see the 'F'. There's an 'F'!<br />
<br />
Me: You should be able to tap the 'F'...tap it.<br />
<br />
Mum: Nothing. <br />
<br />
Me: I don't understand.<br />
<br />
<br />
Mum: .....What's the 'F'?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-73779371954344334352015-02-06T02:18:00.000-08:002015-02-06T02:24:50.256-08:00Email[Text Message]<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Me: Did you get my email yet? x</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Mum: No x</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Me: Did you look?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Mum: I tried xx</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
Me: Don't you just click on the envelope icon or something? :)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Mum: Maybe... No x<br />
<br />
Me: I'll send it again<br />
<br />
Mum: How long will it take?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-90105801965474772542015-02-05T04:34:00.003-08:002015-02-05T04:35:23.379-08:00iMum: You use BBC iPlayer, don't you?<br />
<br />
Me: Yep<br />
<br />
Mum: What do you think of it?<br />
<br />
Me: Well, it's good....what do you mean?<br />
<br />
Mum: I mean, What does it have on there?<br />
<br />
Me: BBC stuff - everything on the BBC<br />
<br />
Mum: Everything on the BBC?<br />
<br />
Me: Yes.<br />
<br />
Mum: What else?<br />
<br />
Me: No, nothing else. It's the BBC iPlayer. So they play everything BBC.<br />
<br />
Mum: What does the 'i' stand for, then?Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-11293099910180812015-02-05T03:55:00.001-08:002015-02-05T03:55:09.215-08:00Saved by the DefamationMum: You used to love Saved by the Bell, didn't you?<br />
<br />
Me: Yeh.<br />
<br />
Mum: That guy with the mop of curly hair...<br />
<br />
Me: Screech<br />
<br />
Mum: Didn't he get accused for drugs or something else bad?<br />
<br />
Me: Maybe<br />
<br />
Mum: He must have done. They all do.Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-60897017671886750802015-02-04T14:10:00.004-08:002015-02-04T14:10:56.313-08:00I've used The Google.Me: How're you getting on with the internet?<br />
<br />
Mum: Well...<br />
<br />
Me: Yeh...?<br />
<br />
Mum: I'm having trouble getting it up<br />
<br />
Me: Getting what up?<br />
<br />
Mum: The Email<br />
<br />
Me: Don't you just click the little icon on your iPad?<br />
<br />
Mum: Bob showed me how. But then I came away and I forgot.<br />
<br />
Me: Right.<br />
<br />
Mum: So I went to Val. And she showed me a different way and that confused me<br />
<br />
Me: Right. So what else have you done with it?<br />
<br />
Mum: I've used The Google. I Googled!<br />
<br />
Me: That's great! What did you Google?<br />
<br />
Mum: I found the place we're going on holiday.<br />
<br />
Me: That's great! What else have you done?<br />
<br />
Mum: I Twitted!<br />
<br />
<br />Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-6091677972913913042014-08-12T09:54:00.004-07:002015-02-04T14:25:47.884-08:00RobinMother: Oh, wasn't that sad about Robin Williams?<br />
<br />
Me: Yep. I really love him.<br />
<br />
Mother: I know. At first I thought it was...<br />
<br />
Me: RobbIE..?<br />
<br />
Mother: No, I thought it was that...you know...with the lovely...wotsits<br />
<br />
Me: The who with the what?<br />
<br />
Mother: You know - that chap...with the lovely eyes.<br />
<br />
Me: Who?<br />
<br />
Mother: You know - the one we used to swoon over, the one we always said would end up killing <br />
himself..?<br />
<br />
Me: WHO?<br />
<br />
Mother: Oh! You know, that good-looking one from...<br />
<br />
Me: The one from Take That?<br />
<br />
Mother: That's him!<br />
<br />
Me: Yes! RobbIE Williams! That's who I meant the first time.<br />
<br />
Mother: Sorry, I always get him confused with Robin Williams. The comedian.<br />
<br />
Me: ....<br />
<br />
Mother: Oh. That's who we're talking about.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-18361479627306262612014-08-10T10:07:00.000-07:002014-08-12T10:07:50.267-07:00It's nice.Mother: I'm just in Palmers, having a nice coffee.<br />
<br />
Me: Oh lovely.<br />
<br />
Mother: Yes, sometimes we go to that other cafe - you know, down one of the Rows...<br />
<br />
Me: I think so, yep.<br />
<br />
Mother: But it's not so....well the ambiance isn't quite as...<br />
<br />
Me: ......<br />
<br />
Mother: Oh, what's the word?.....Nice. It's not as nice.Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-64834062890137076722014-07-01T08:39:00.000-07:002014-07-01T08:52:11.083-07:00Liitle BlueyMother: Well you know she was so old, poor old thing<br />
<br />
Me: She failed the MOT?<br />
<br />
Mother: I'll say - it would have cost at least a thousand or more.<br />
<br />
Me: Ah.<br />
<br />
Mother: So anyway, funny little John at the car place - you know John?<br />
<br />
Me: No.<br />
<br />
Mother: Him with the lisp?<br />
<br />
Me: No.<br />
<br />
Mother: Well, anyway, John at the car place he takes me aside you see, and he says, 'Now then Mrs Moore, this old car's being heading to the scrap heap for a long time. But there's a car just at the garage down the road - on the forecourt - it's perfect for you'. So off I trot, down the road and sure enough there's a little blue car there with my name on it - just the ticket.<br />
<br />
Me: So you bought it?<br />
<br />
Mother: Yep. She arrives today. She's a dear little thing. And a nice shade of blue. So I've called her Little Bluey.<br />
<br />
I did have to take Old Purple for a victory lap, though. Do you know where I went? I took her all along the cliffs, so she could see the sea - aren't I silly...<br />
<br />
Me: Yes.<br />
<br />
Mother ...and then drove her the country way home, by the rhododendrons.<br />
<br />
But! You'll never believe it! She's not headed to the scrapheap - she's got a second life. She's going - guess where she's going for her retirement? She's going to be a stock car!<br />
<br />
Me: A Ford-bloody-Estate car that barely starts?!<br />
<br />
Mother: Yeh! They said they love cars like her - something about 'impact ratio' - or some similar thing.<br />
<br />
Me: 'Impact ratio'? Sounds like she's gonna be crushed, regardless of the scrapheap.<br />
<br />
Mother: Well, at least she'll go out with a bang!Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-38246940620368858812014-06-30T14:17:00.000-07:002015-02-04T14:18:12.125-08:00Get that seen toMe: I've not been very well, that's why I haven't phoned<br />
<br />
Mother: You can still phone when you're ill<br />
<br />
Me: Well, I've been really rough, Ma. I wasn't really up to chatting<br />
<br />
Mother: Oh<br />
<br />
Me: I've got some kind of ear infection, in both ears.<br />
<br />
Mother: Oh dear. Are you...<br />
<br />
Me: Dizzy<br />
<br />
Mother: And...<br />
<br />
Me: Feverish<br />
<br />
Mother: What caused that then?<br />
<br />
Me: I dunno - the doctor asked if I'd been swimming lately...<br />
<br />
Mother: Which you haven't been...<br />
<br />
Me: Which I haven't been...<br />
<br />
Mother: Well, that's not very good, is it? Other than that, how have you been?<br />
<br />
Me: That's kinda been my week, Mum. I've had this terrible chest pain, too. Nobody knows why<br />
<br />
Mother: Chest pain? How do you mean?<br />
<br />
Me: Like pain...in my chest<br />
<br />
Mother: Severe?<br />
<br />
Me: Yes.<br />
<br />
Mother: You want to get that seen to.<br />
<br />
Me: I know that Ma, I have. That's what I said - that I've been to the doctors - they don't know what to make of it<br />
<br />
Mother: Well, they should. You want to get that seen to, again, by somebody else.<br />
<br />
Me: I'm gonna go, I don't feel well and this conversation is making my headache worse<br />
<br />
Mother: What headache? You've got a headache, too?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-51604780631288701372014-06-28T08:38:00.003-07:002015-02-04T14:13:35.023-08:00Boiling overMother: Yes, so it all went very well. Hang on...DAVID! Your pan's boiling over!<br />
Oh his pan's boiling over and I'm not on the cordless.<br />
'DAVID! Would you mind turning that pan down please?'<br />
<br />
He can't hear me, honestly that hearing aid, mind you I doubt he's got it in, you know he never does....'DAVID!' <br />
Oh I'll have to go, I can't.......'DAVIIDD!' <br />
*Mumbling heard in background* <br />
I said, your pan's boiling over and I can't reach it, Look!' <br />
*More mumbling*<br />
<br />
So anyway, where was I?<br />
<br />
Me: You were saying it all went well and you had a lovely...<br />
<br />
Mother: David! Do you know, he's left that pan exactly as it was, he couldn't have heard me at all...Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-34233476945955026852014-06-26T03:28:00.000-07:002014-06-28T03:43:49.218-07:00Stand downMe: Oh Ma, I found out that the video of me doing my first stand-up no longer exists <br />
<br />
Mother: What?<br />
<br />
Me: That video of me doing the comedy gig<br />
<br />
Mother: But I thought I was going to watch it?<br />
<br />
Me: That was the idea<br />
<br />
Mother: Well, can't I then?<br />
<br />
Me: No.<br />
<br />
Mother: Oh no, you MUST let me watch it!<br />
<br />
Me: I would if I could but I can't!<br />
<br />
Mother: You mean you really don't have it?<br />
<br />
Me: No.<br />
<br />
Mother: And you really can't get it?<br />
<br />
Me: No.<br />
<br />
Mother: Oh no. What will I tell people?<br />
<br />
Me: What d'ya mean? What 'people'?<br />
<br />
Mother: I'd organised a group of the girls to watch it.<br />
<br />
Me: Thank Christ it's been erased then.<br />
<br />
Mother: Easily fixed - we'll just arrange a performance in person next time you're home... Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-16944447098938276702013-03-06T13:44:00.000-08:002014-06-28T03:33:00.528-07:00it's a bit complicated<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-ansi-language:EN-US;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Yes,</span> Joyce has one of those…oh…those...not laptops….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> An </span>iPad</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother…Wha….not a Mac thing, an …..i….an i…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>an iPad..?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An
iPad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amazing things, aren’t they?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yup</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother: Yes…she was showing me how….all the…ya
know…she was showing me all about it</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> R</span>ight </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>if I got something like that then you could send me
pictures, couldn’t you?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, you’d need to get internet first, Ma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother: Oh yes, I know. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me: I could also just post you pictures….?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it
would be nice to see them sooner – or just, ya know, have access to lots of
stuff. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is always
that…you'd have to learn how…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>oh, hang on. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>…..</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m just trying to work this…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>……</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> ...bloody </span>VCR!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What are doing?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> T</span>rying to record Eastenders, so we can keep talking…hang on it’s
not…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>……</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m …just….trying….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me: ……Why are you using the old VCR?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But you have the digibox recorder now….?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mother:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a bit complicated. You know, with all these buttons...</span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-38090041572843126762012-11-29T06:34:00.004-08:002014-06-28T03:34:27.381-07:00Epif.....epif....Mother: I had an e....<br />
<br />
Me: ..........<br />
<br />
Mother: An ep...ep....I had an oh! - epif... oh you know!<br />
<br />
Me: An...?<br />
<br />
Mother: An epif...oh you know<br />
<br />
Me: An epiphany?<br />
<br />
Mother: An epiphany. That's it.<br />
<br />
Me: Really? What was that then?<br />
<br />
Mother: Well I was just standing at the boiler, raking in coal...<br />
<br />
Me: Right....<br />
<br />
Mother: And then I realised!<br />
<br />
Me: What....?<br />
<br />
Mother: I haven't had the chimney swept for ages and the man who normally does it died...<br />
<br />
Me: Oh dear.<br />
<br />
Mother: I know. He was only 56 too, such a shame, Deb told me a while back and I didn't really take much notice so th....<br />
<br />
Me: So what's the epiphany?<br />
<br />
Mother: Well, I don't know who I'm going to use now. For the chimney.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-5120021588488119262012-11-24T08:43:00.004-08:002012-11-24T08:44:53.768-08:00but it ended '220'...Me: Hello?<br />
<br />
Mother: Hello<br />
<br />
Me: Hiya, you ok?<br />
<br />
Mother: So is this your number then?<br />
<br />
Me: the one you just called me on...?<br />
<br />
Mother: Yes. I keep texting that other one - you know, your old one - and not getting a response<br />
<br />
Me: No, because this is my new number, remember I told you?<br />
<br />
Mother: Well I remember you saying something, but I keep texting that other number and then Bridget replied to my last text to that number<br />
<br />
Me: Well, then you must be texting Bridget and not my old number<br />
<br />
Mother: But it ended '220'......oh well. So this is your number?<br />
<br />
Me: Yes. This number - that you've phoned me on and I've answered - this is my number.<br />
<br />
Mother: Oh good. I'll text this one then.<br />
<br />
Me: Ok.<br />
<br />
Mother: Right. How are you then?Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-56262291946343347262012-11-18T15:46:00.000-08:002012-11-18T15:46:08.123-08:00Oh dearMother: Oh dear<br />
<br />
Me: What?<br />
<br />
Mother: That nice man's at the door again<br />
<br />
Me: What nice man?!<br />
<br />
Mother: The one who brings round sewing jobs for me, but he always wants to talk for ages<br />
<br />
Me: Maybe he's lonely<br />
<br />
Mother: I know. But sometimes I'm busy<br />
<br />
Me: So, tell him you're busy<br />
<br />
Mother: But then sometimes I'm not, and I just can't be bothered<br />
<br />
Me: What does he talk about?<br />
<br />
Mother: People in the village, general gossip, boring stuff like Mrs Humphrey and her hernia. Why does he think I want to hear about that?<br />
<br />
Me: Why does HE know about that?<br />
<br />
Mother: Oh, he knows everything<br />
<br />
Me: Is he still at the door?<br />
<br />
Mother: Er.....Yeh. He just knocked again.<br />
<br />
Me: Can he see you?<br />
<br />
Mother: .............<br />
<br />
Me:........Ma?.....<br />
<br />
Mother: OH!<br />
<br />
Me: ...what?...<br />
<br />
Mother: Yes.....He just saw me. <br />
<br />
<br />Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-70932681713455555072012-11-17T02:42:00.001-08:002012-11-17T03:01:45.008-08:00Only child syndromeMe: Did you get my text?<br />
<br />
Mother: What text?<br />
<br />
Me: The one I sent this morning, about the Christmas stuff?<br />
<br />
Mother: Er...I did get one but it didn't say who from and since you changed your number I get confused<br />
<br />
Me: I gave you my new number to save<br />
<br />
Mother: Well I forget which one to use<br />
<br />
Me: Well, did you get my one this morning?<br />
<br />
Mother, I got one saying about the plans for christmas yes, oh yeh, yes I did. But I wasn't sure who it was from at the time, you didn't put your name on it.<br />
<br />
Me: No, but I began it, 'Hi Ma...' <br />
<br />
Mother: Oh yes. So you did.Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-82298570714600170132012-11-15T15:58:00.002-08:002012-11-15T16:00:51.143-08:00Such fun.Mother: Oh! We had such fun at the Dogs.<br />
<br />
Me: Did you? Who'd you go with?<br />
<br />
Mother: The work lot. Oh, did we laugh! You know those nights when everything's funny?<br />
<br />
Me: Yeh<br />
<br />
Mother:...and you just laugh and...<br />
<br />
Me: ....laugh...<br />
<br />
Mother: ...laugh. Yes, we did laugh.<br />
<br />
Me: Did you win anything?<br />
<br />
Mother: No! But we were having such a...<br />
<br />
Me:....laugh?<br />
<br />
Mother: ...laugh. Then our boss piped up - he is SO funny, real good sense of...<br />
<br />
Me:....humour....<br />
<br />
Mother: ...humour, and we got on the subject of sex and you know what that's like..<br />
<br />
Me: Funny?<br />
<br />
Mother: So funny, we were the noisiest ones there, just laughing and...<br />
<br />
Me: ...laughing....<br />
<br />
Mother:.....laughing. Laughing all night we were. Yes. Such fun.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-62495052445051950902012-11-13T15:36:00.002-08:002012-11-13T15:36:48.199-08:00Shelter from the StormMother: You know that song...?<br />
<br />
Me: Go on......<br />
<br />
Mother: That song about the storm....<br />
<br />
Me: hhmmmm....<br />
<br />
Mother: Shelter....<br />
<br />
Me: ...from the Storm?<br />
<br />
Mother: ...*humming - sort of* flowers in her hair.....mmmaaa.....hmmm......come in she said I'll give ya shelter....<br />
<br />
Me: ...from the storm.<br />
<br />
Mother: From the storm, YES! Shelter from the Storm<br />
<br />
Me: What about it?<br />
<br />
Mother: Who sings it?<br />
<br />
Me: Dylan<br />
<br />
Mother: Who?<br />
<br />
Me: BOB DYLAN (!)<br />
<br />
Mother: Oh.<br />
<br />
Me: Who did you think I meant?!<br />
<br />
Mother: I don't...well, I....I just wasn't sure. Maybe.....Dylan Thomas??<br />
<br />
Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-82422734703123346682012-11-12T16:30:00.000-08:002012-11-12T16:30:03.238-08:00David!Mother: I watched a horrible programme the other day<br />
<br />
Me: right....<br />
<br />
Mother: All about the end of the second world war it was<br />
<br />
Me: hhmm<br />
<br />
Mother: and the Bomb and that.<br />
<br />
Me: Right. Well, it was horrible. Lots of stuff is.<br />
<br />
Mother: Do you know what upset me the most?<br />
<br />
Me: What's that?<br />
<br />
Mother: The shots of people...oh you know, the people...who were behind....imprisoned....in - oh, that place you went...<br />
<br />
Me: Auschwitz?<br />
<br />
Mother: That's it!<br />
<br />
Me: Bloody hell Ma! How'd you forget that?!<br />
<br />
Mother: Oh I know, memory's terrible. I was saying to Dave only last weekend - oh gawd, he's asleep here, can you hear him snoring...? "David! David" *Groans heard* "You're missing it - you're missing your film" [to me] He's missing his film - you know what he's like<br />
<br />
Me: Right, what were you saying?<br />
<br />
Mother: What?<br />
<br />
Me: to Dave, about last weekend? <br />
<br />
Mother: I forget. "David! Can you hear me? You're missing this!" [to me] He's put Ben Hur on...<br />
<br />
Me: Again?<br />
<br />
Mother...again.Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-88412899651433078102012-11-12T16:05:00.000-08:002012-11-12T16:05:02.197-08:00Advent?Mother: Did you get those coupons I sent?<br />
<br />
Me: Coupons?<br />
<br />
Mother: The vouchers...for shopping?<br />
<br />
Me: Oh, yeh - thanks Ma<br />
<br />
Mother: Well, every little helps, doesn't it<br />
<br />
Me: Sure does. Hey, you sound like an advert<br />
<br />
Mother: Advent?<br />
<br />
Me: Hhhmm?<br />
<br />
Mother: Advent? Oh, that reminds me! Do you want me to send you an advent calendar this year?<br />
<br />
Me: I'm a bit old Ma....<br />
<br />
Mother: Never too old for Advent, you'll like it!<br />
<br />
Me: Oh alright.<br />
<br />
Mother: There. I nearly bought one today as well, but then thought 'She may not want one, she may think she's too old'<br />
<br />
Me: I do think I'm too old!<br />
<br />
Mother: But you still want one...<br />
<br />
Me: Then why didn't you buy one....?!Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-51507563650614724312012-09-17T03:58:00.003-07:002014-06-28T03:48:42.398-07:0030Mother: So, you're coming here at the beginning of September and when do you leave?<br />
<br />
Me: The 20-something.<br />
<br />
Mother: Of September?<br />
<br />
Me: Yeh.<br />
<br />
Mother: Well, when exactly?<br />
<br />
Me: The 20-something - I need to decide when<br />
<br />
Mother: When do you need to be back?<br />
<br />
Me: 1st October.<br />
<br />
Mother: How many days does September have?<br />
<br />
Me: 30.<br />
<br />
Mother: 30 days has September, April, June....oh yes, 30.<br />
<br />
Me: Yes, 30. <br />
<br />
Mother: So you could go back on the 30th?<br />
<br />
Me: mmmmm.<br />
<br />
Mother: Beck?<br />
<br />
Me: mmmm<br />
<br />
Mother: You could go back on the 30th?<br />
<br />
Me: Yes, Mother, I could go back on the 30th.<br />
<br />
Mother: Yes.<br />
<br />Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-16096393465323209322012-08-30T06:23:00.001-07:002012-08-30T06:24:30.408-07:00that paget chap<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mother: Yes, she's got a rare problem</span><br />
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: Ok, what's that?</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mother: Well, I ca<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">n't remember exactly what happe</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">ns whe</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">n</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"> you've got it, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">but it's bad a</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">nd rare. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: What's it called?</span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Mother: Paget's somethi</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">ng or other</span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: Oh. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Mother: That chap from the Paget i</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">nve</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">nted it.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Me: You mea</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">n 'James Paget'?</span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Mother: That's him. He i</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">nve</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">nted it. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Me: He did</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">n't 'i</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">nve</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">nt' it.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mother: What?</span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: He 'discovered' it. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Mother: Well that's the same thi</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">ng. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: er....</span></span></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-ansi-language:EN-US;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment--><!--EndFragment-->
Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-65657702645211872722012-08-28T01:08:00.000-07:002012-08-28T01:11:04.212-07:00SomeoneMother: Someone phoned for you<br />
<br />
Me: Ok, who?<br />
<br />
Mother: Some guy - some 'old friend'<br />
<br />
Me: Ok, who?<br />
<br />
Mother: I'm not sure.<br />
<br />
Me: Well, did he leave a number?<br />
<br />
Mother: No.<br />
<br />
Me: Well, did you ask him?<br />
<br />
Mother: I don't think so. <br />
<br />
Me: Ok. Did you recognise the voice?<br />
<br />
Mother: No. <br />
<br />
Me: Did he say anything else?<br />
<br />
Mother: Well, he said 'I'm an old friend and I'll try again at some point'.<br />
<br />
Me: Right. That's great.<br />
<br />
Mother: I hope he does ring again - he sounded lovely....Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-81273473481799651032012-08-09T13:18:00.002-07:002012-08-09T13:18:44.573-07:00when you are.Mother: Be careful driving.<br />
<br />
Me: I'm not driving.<br />
<br />
Mother: No, but when you are.........Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3941148830089603738.post-41015502626404499242012-08-06T14:00:00.002-07:002012-08-06T14:00:43.836-07:00nice, eligible, handsome.Mother: That was lovely though wasn't it<br />
<br />
Me: What was?<br />
<br />
Mother: The wedding<br />
<br />
Me: Of course<br />
<br />
Mother: Lots of lovely looking people there<br />
<br />
Me: Of course<br />
<br />
Mother: lots of lovely looking men there<br />
<br />
Me: yeeesss.<br />
<br />
Mother: Wouldn't you...<br />
<br />
Me: No.<br />
<br />
Mother: But why wouldn't yo...<br />
<br />
Me: No.<br />
<br />
Mother: You don't know what I'm going to sa....<br />
<br />
Me: Yes I do. You're going to say 'Wouldn't you like any of those?', 'Why wouldn't any of those do?'....or; 'What about so-and-so'. - I know your game mother'<br />
<br />
Mother: Actually I was going to say 'Wouldn't you know if any of them have any nice, eligible, handsome friends'.........<br />
<br />
<br />Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07623987137187855323noreply@blogger.com0