ME: (having a mid-twenties, mid-week crisis)
Mum, can you just talk about something

Mother: Ok….erm Ok...OH! Oh my god!

Me: What?

…
...

WHAT?

Mother: There’s the most beautiful butterfly on television – they’ve got a real close up of it, you know when they use those special cameras and you can see the close up and the blue is SO blue, you know.

Me: mmm.

Mother: That reminds me, we had the most beautiful one in the garden the other day, you know that bush where they often go near the pond, well I was just standing there and it was a kind of purply blue, and just sort of fluttered from one leaf to the next and

Me: mmm.

Mother: I don’t spose you get a lot there do you? Butterflies? What’s your garden like in the flat?

Me: I told you, I don’t have one

Mother: Oh, well that’s a shame because the butterflies are…

Me: Mum, why are you talking about butterflies?

Mother: Well because this really beautiful one came on the tv and…

Me: No I know, but you know I don’t care about butterflies.

Mother: Well, no, but, well, you asked me to talk about something.

Me: I meant something real.

Mother: Butterflies are..

Me: Real to me.

Mother: Well, that’s because you don’t have a garden.

Me: I meant something…Relatable.

...
....
Mother: What did you do today?

Me: Worked

Mother: Um-hem, and after work?

Me: I came home, I made dinner, normal, ya know…..(voice breaking) Mum, do you have a minute, can I talk?

Mother: We are talking

Me: No, I meant *realizes futility of situation* …nothing. I’ll call Saturday, ok?

Mother: Of course – Have a good night, won’t you.

Me: Uh-huh, love you